I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
