I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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