Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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