I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
