I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
