Your face is a jimmy john
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
