You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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