also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
