Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
