he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
