The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize