She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
