She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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