It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
