His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
