Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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