I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
