I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
