My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
