So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
