got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
