You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
