I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
