this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
