I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
