I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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