Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize