Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
