mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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