Will you blow on my dice?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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