if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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