real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
