SEEEEXXX PLEASE
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
