some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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