I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
