when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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