I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You can't special order awesome
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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