Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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