So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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