So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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