her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
