Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
