Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
