Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize