apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize