It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Even my vagina gasped.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
