I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize