if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We left the knife in your bed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
