What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
