so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
