do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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