Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
