I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize