Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
