he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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