making cat noises will not fix the situation.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
