I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
