Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
