I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
