I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
