We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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