What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
