hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
