He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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