dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize